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What Happens Beyond the Words? -or- Vibrational Interpersonal Communication

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   This topic from our latest Facebook survey reminded me of my long-ago interdepartmental college major. I went to university during the heady days of the counter-cultural revolution and was able to create my own study plan. After months of cogitation I finally titled my major Kinetic Emotional Communication, and that’s the title on my bachelor’s degree. Moving in the same fringe-ish direction I completed a doctoral dissertation on the vibrational matrix that underlies the visible world.

Resolving Issues in Communication

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We posted a poll on our Facebook fan page recently, and I appreciate all the responses and the nuances of issues that people presented. The largest percentage were concerned about communication conflict, followed by learning how to communicate effectively.

One question seemed to summarize both concerns: How do I take more responsibility (that is, what do I do) when they don’t hear what I’m saying?

Mirror, Mirror

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     Humans have a terrible time sorting out in here from out there. This was best expressed by Yasutani Roshi in one of my favorite quotes:  “The fundamental delusion of humanity is to suppose that I am here and you are out there.” 

An Important Don't

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     I rarely issue suggestions about what not to do. This problem, though, requires a strong DON’T. If you adopt this plan, you’ll eliminate a huge source of relationship conflict and liberate lots of free time. You might even increase your likeability quotient. If you are interested, read on.

The Triangle

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      When you take 100% responsibility you stand and interact as a whole person who sees others as equals. You get to weave your creativity with others and co-create. When you don’t you get to play on The Triangle.

I Thought I’d Gotten Rid of That!

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     I’ve spent almost forty years of being present with people in their transformation journeys. And this phrase, “but I thought I’d gotten rid of that,” topples people’s sense of progress more often than any other. People seem to experience their themes as adversaries that they conquer and bury, tada. Then when the issue re-emerges, they think they’ve failed, or that “working on themselves” has failed (that last one may actually be true).

Appreciation Standoff

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   Have you ever had this happen? You’ve been doing lots of stuff to enhance your relationship and out of the blue your partner says, “You just don’t appreciate me very much, do you? I certainly appreciate you more than you appreciate me!” “Wait a minute!” You say. “I just finished  (fill in the blank)--that doesn’t count?!” Then a heated exchange of who feels least appreciated ensues.       

Closing the Gap

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      I appreciate so many things I’ve learned from living with Gay. One skill that pops up repeatedly is what we call closing the gap. What is that, you may be asking, and what’s in it for me? Well, read on.

When Does Responsibility Start?

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    Of all the principles we explore, taking healthy responsibility and the positive impact that can have on the quality of your close relationships and circles of connection seems to create the most pushback. Some people jump right in and start owning their experience and creating a positive difference in their worlds.

What If?

Avatar - Relationship

“What if I want to change and s/he doesn’t?”

“What if I tell the truth and everything falls apart?”

“What if you make an agreement and the other person doesn’t follow through?”

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