Bullying in Schools

Bullying in Schools

I was talking to a teacher last night who is dealing with two parents complaining about a 'bullying issue'. The children are both boys, aged six years old.

From the teacher's viewpoint one of the boys 'bugs' the other one occasionally. The boy who is getting 'bugged' is a happy giggly child 95% of the time.

Is there a problem? and if so, whose problem is it?

(right now it must be my problem since I'm writing about it!)

In the teacher's eyes, the parents are overreacting. In the parents' eyes, one child is a victim and the other is a villain.

In my eyes, I wonder hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I wonder what I can learn about all this.

The anti-bullying movement has become an institution. Children are taught about bullying at ages where I don't even think they are intellectually capable of 'bullying' (since 'bullying' is defined as an imbalance of power). 'Power imbalance' is an adult construct.

It isn't that I don't think that children hurt other children. Sure they do. But I think the biggest problem is how parents keep the issue going and reinforce the hurt by labeling it 'bullying', by getting involved, by blaming teachers, other children, and other parents.

I learned a model from Byron Katie a number of years back. I'm offering it here, b/c it gives me so much relief as a parent.

There are 3 categories of business. Theirs, Mine, and 'God's'.

What I do, think and feel is my business.

What other people do, think, and feel is their business.

Everything else is 'God's/Universe/Infinite Intelligence's' (enter name of your personal spiritual being here) business.

So put in this way:

My child is hit by another child.

My business: my feelings (sad, scared, angry), my actions, (whatever I do next), and my thoughts ("What is going on here?")

My child's business: her feelings (sad, scared, angry), her actions (cry, yell, hit back), and her thoughts ("I hate that kid")

The ''hitter's' business: her feelings (sad, scared, angry), her actions (hitting, yelling...) and her thoughts (?)

The hitter's parent's business: ....

God's business: whatever comes next

You get the picture. Byron Katie's point is, when we are involved in other people's business, we suffer.

So as a parent, I do my best to stay in MY business alone. I feel, I think, I do, and that is all I can actually control anyway.

When my daughter has relationship challenges, I don't get involved. Not my business.

What do you think?
---------------
"If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Helen Daniels
Genius Coach (phone coaching available)
613.728.8433 (Eastern Standard Time)

http://www.helendaniels.com