Who's Responsible?

Submitted by Katie on Thu, 03/18/2010 - 6:03am

“I know that I am totally responsible for myself and for creating what is occurring in my relationship.”

I’m glad this sentence in our recent Facebook survey got a lot of interest, though I suspect that some people want to argue about the FACTS. That is, the evidence that their partner really did do the bad, hurtful and/or mean thing, the thing that they always argue about and the other person never changes despite their clear instructions, harrumph.

So rather than going round and round with that story, consider another possibility. You can actually become ABLE to respond, to be fully present and participating in the creation of your relationship, of the qualities and interactions you want to experience. You don’t get there by whining, bullying or fixing without an invitation. You do get there by standing fully in your wholeness. You get there by committing to acting as a full participant in your marriage, relationship and friendships.

Please notice the words that are missing from this sentence. It doesn’t say, “I know I am totally at fault,” or “I know that it’s all my job to take care of everything.” When you stand in and move from your wholeness, you extend an open hand of possibility to your partner for co-creating. Your 100% invites 100%. And notice that conscious relationships don’t have to be perfect. In fact, they can’t be, since humans are involved. As each person continues to commit and re-commit to healthy responsibility, there’s room for learning rather than the impossible perfection. When something happens, you can wonder, hmmm… what can I learn from this? You apply your learning and move on, creating what you really want.

What you give attention to grows. What are you giving attention to in your close relationships?

Katie's blog
Login or register to post comments

Contact our Support Team
The Hendricks Institute • 1-800-688-0772 • 226 W. Ojai Ave. Suite 101, PMB 505 • Ojai, CA 93023
© 2012 The Hendricks Institute & The Foundation for Conscious Living. All rights reserved.

Site Map
Terms of Service

"I consider Gay and Kathlyn to be my teachers." -John Bradshaw

"Gay and Kathlyn's book offers invaluable insight into the real workings of making lasting, breakthrough commitments." -Bonnie Raitt

"I have experienced more aliveness and growth in this work than in any other during the 24 years I have been a psychologist!" -Elizabeth Bond

"Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks inspire me to celebrate my creativity and to expand in love and aliveness." -Seth Michaels

"Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks are insightful guides and bold pioneers in the broad field of growth through relationship." -Gary Zukav

"The most finely tuned and balanced program I have experienced in over 25 years of professional and personal development training." -Rita A. Nesel

"Your breathing program is really excellent and helpful." -Alice Miller

"This training gave me a living example of what conscious loving is all about." -Paul Jaffee

"The inner intelligence of the body is the ultimate and supreme genius. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks show us how to connect with this inner intelligence and discover the secrets to healing, love, intuition and insight." -Deepak Chopra, M.D.

"The greatest benefit I received from participating in the professional school for breath and movement is my flourishing capacity to receive and give love, which grows each day." -Karl Faes

"I gained tremendously in sensitivity to other's bodily expression through movement and breathing." -Stephen M. Omohundro, Ph.D.

"Your love and skill have made a profound and measurable difference in a remarkably short time in the way I view myself and my relationships." -Michael Wood

"Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks trainings are powerful, transformative events in which the encrusted behaviors and attitudes of a lifetime are dynamited apart with integrity and love." -Stephian Bodian

"A quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." I would add breath, wonder and play to that equation, and I thank Katie and Gay for helping to bring those transformative elements into my life." -Jan Jacobsen

"Your incredible work was my missing link!" -Elandra Kirsten

"I am so excited about some life changes that are a direct result of the Hendricks training I recently completed that I wanted to send you a note and ask you to pass on my deepest appreciation and wonder to both Gay and Katie. " -Debbie DeVoe

"Our relationship as a couple and as partners in creativity has blossomed greatly in our years of association with Gay and Katie and all the fine friends we've made along the way." -Suzanne and Steve Kilkus

"Gay and Katie, I really must thank you (again!) for the marvelous work you both have put into the world. I started using Quantum Coaching with my "regular" coaching clients and they are making profound shifts." -Jacquie Hale

"Their practical techniques have deepened my personal life and contributed to the success of my business. Gay and Kathlyn's work has been a true gift in my life." -Mitchell M. May

"Your work, is really an embrace from my Spirit, my essence, and the way I know that is it is easy when I am in open space." -Leslie Karen Sann

"Thank you for being the vehicle to bring this incredibly brilliant and applicable information to the public in such an exquisite package!" -Anne Smigelsky

"What stays with me the most from my time with both of you, Gay and Kaite, is your continued demonstration of what you teach." -Martha Ringer

"I think I just want to say how much Jerry and I got as a couple in our relationship. We found their work to be transforming even after 46 years of marriage when we attended our first seminar with them!" -Mary Kent Norton

"I've known Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks as friends for many years. Kathlyn and Gay are gifts to the heart and soul, opening both to new and grander experiences." -Neale Donald Walsch

"So, once again I would like to express my deep gratitude to you both. When I stand back and look at my life, I experience a type of peace and happiness that I never even knew existed before I was so blessed as to find you." -Julie Colwell

"Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experience, with such positive, loving energy!" -Marissa Ignacio and Robert Dyckman

If you ask me, Gay and Katie are the perfect exemplars for stunningly conscious, incredibly loving, ever evolving and utterly fabulous relationships. When I grow up. I want to be just like them." -Geneen Roth

Because of you, I am inspired to make my life more meaningful now. I am encouraged to dream more vividly, more expansively, more enjoyably. I am honored to ask for your guidance and inspiration as I enter and expand in the playground of conscious entrepreneurship. - Bernadette Frischkorn