"I consider Gay and Kathlyn to be my teachers." -John Bradshaw
It's Easy for You to Say!
“It’s Easy For You to Say…” How We Came To Where We Are With Daily Choices
Many years ago at a summer seminar in Colorado, a group of us were talking over dinner. I remember sharing how much daily joy I experienced and how abundant my life felt. A young woman across the table said, “That’s easy for you to say—you’ve got a rich husband!” Before I could lunge across the table at her in indignant rage, I took a breath.
I wanted to list all the ways in which her comment was SO WRONG: Gay and I are equal partners; I had worked and paid for my son, school, health insurance, since I was 18; and besides, you have stupid hair, nyah nyah. My, my, the inner witness said, she must have struck a chord.
After wondering and sharing the episode with Gay later and finally being able to see the humor a little, I realized that to an observer the level of ease I exuded could be most easily accounted for from some secret, outside source like a rich husband. Much easier to look to a rescuer than to do the daily work that actually sources happiness. The next day I used the exchange to explore the daily choices that seed and grow happiness: speaking honestly, putting creativity first, taking healthy responsibility. I realized and actually rejoiced at the reflection that my repeated actions had produced. When Gay and I got together I had $327 and a Mustang that leaked oil, and Gay had just had his American Express card revoked. Now I live where I want to live in a wonderful house surrounded by oaks and flowers. I practice work I passionately love. I have people around me who communicate authentically, celebrate creativity and take total responsibility for their lives. For years I’ve enjoyed plenty of money to do whatever I really want to do. And the magic wand emerged from exactly the same decisions that we write and speak about around the world. No different. Day after day you can build your dreams as well. So someone can come up to you some day and exclaim, “It’s easy for you to say!” And you can reply, “Yes! Now it is.”
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