"I consider Gay and Kathlyn to be my teachers." -John Bradshaw
Get Close or Go Away--How Do You Know?
Get Close or Go Away--How Do You Know?
And, what difference does that make? In the old days bellows were often used to stoke a fire and keep the embers glowing. Knowing when to focus on your individual creative path and when to focus on connection pumps the relationship bellows and ignites sparks even in a long-term relationship (really).
If you know when you really want to get close to another you bring your full presence to the moment. If you know when you want space for yourself you can communicate that easily and avoid the drama/distance pattern. Most people (still) grew up thinking that marriage or committed relationship equals giving up your freedom and that being close is THE only choice. Wrong. Marriage problems often come from repeating communication patterns that went unchallenged, such as loving someone means you’re together all the time. Healthy relationships and juicy marriages thrive on the renewal that a dynamic relationship dance brings to the party.
The relationship dance pumps the bellows for your relating by noticing, following and speaking about your actual experience. Since most people didn’t learn this at home or at school, in our seminars and relationship coaching trainings we guide people to use their body wisdom and inner experiences to make a reliable body map that let’s them know when they want to get close and want to get separate. Variation spices up daily relating, and the relationship dance can refresh you and your partnerships quickly and easily. Predictability, same ole same ole, gets replaced by sassy satisfaction and re-ignited passion. We each need time alone to refresh and time together to connect.
How do YOU know you want to get close or separate?
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