"I consider Gay and Kathlyn to be my teachers." -John Bradshaw
Things I Learned From My Cat: Creating Rituals That Nurture You
Lucy is fourteen now and in the regal maturity of her life. Over the years we’ve been deeply interested in what wants to happen for and with her. From that curiosity we have organically evolved several rituals that we all find deeply nourishing. Some practices have fallen away, and some have evolved into even sweeter dimensions.
What they all have in common is deeper connection and the chance to bring creativity into new realms. I look forward to the renewal we experience from the nightly Lucy flop. This is her practice of jumping up on the bed, beckoning me with a squawk, rather than her usual plurt. When I lie down she first stands on me for a moment, then maneuvers her hind legs forward so she can recline on my leg. She looks like an otter post-feast. She lies there purring and blinking at me, and when she’s filled up, she moves to some other part of the bed (preferably onto whatever hard surface is available, like a book or computer).
When she was tiny one morning we work up and found her between our pillows under the covers with her head sticking out. These many years later this ritual has evolved into her knowing just when Gay is drifting off into sleep, coming up between our pillows (and gently tssking us if the pillows are too close together), tucking herself head toward Gay, where she watches over him as he goes to sleep. It’s clear to me that both of them delight in this ritual.
Lucy, as many cats do, loves running water. In her youth she would jump up on the bathroom counter and instruct us to turn on the tap. One day a couple of years ago I noticed that she was drinking from the fountain we had in one room and decided to give Lucy her own fountain next to her food. Listening to her lapping up fresh water lets me know my life works. One of our morning rituals is my topping up her fountain with fresh filtered water every morning as she stands patiently waiting.
And then there are the forts, a more recent ritual that really evolved telepathically one morning when Lucy was standing on a living room chair meowing at me in a new tone. I stopped what I was doing and tuned in and boom, “she wants a fort” popped into my mind. I took a throw blanket and created a space between pillows for her. She alternates fort placement these days and is this moment snoring in the latest one.
I could go on, but I think you get the point. What does it take to create a ritual, something you repeat that feels great? Seems to me that Lucy’s guidance applies to human relationships also. Nothing is more important than the quality of presence. When your loved ones give you a signal, listen, watch and wonder. It’s kind of like a game of toss, your ongoing experiment in the law of attraction. You offer something—how about this? And the other will either do their version of purring or will counter with, no, not quite, but how about this? A carefully researched book I read several years ago, A General Theory of Love, basically concludes that one of the best things you can do to create healthy relationships is to find someone you really like to be around, and to, well, BE around them a lot. Rituals allow you to be together in ways you create. They become our rituals, what we do, the special bonds that weave a magical life. What are your nourishing relationships rituals?
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