"I consider Gay and Kathlyn to be my teachers." -John Bradshaw
What If?
“What if I want to change and s/he doesn’t?”
“What if I tell the truth and everything falls apart?”
“What if you make an agreement and the other person doesn’t follow through?”
“What if “is the most common phrase we hear in conscious relationship lectures, seminars and coaching sessions. Let yourself say, “What if?” out loud several times and notice if you feel present in your body or out ahead of yourself. “What if” leans you or plops you in the future, where everything can look scary because it hasn’t even happened yet, and it’s pretty full of fantasies in futureville.
All the best adventures in life, especially the great journey of close relationship, require jumping into the unknown before you get to learn anything, have fun, or even have any choices to make. Imagine if in your past you had said,
“What if I start to walk and then fall down?”
“What if I’m dancing with a person I really like and I stumble?”
“What if I share something I’m passionate about and people don’t understand, or they laugh?”
Would you just stop, give up, or try to fit in? Healthy relationships work best with whole people participating fully. You bring your willingness, and I bring mine. You don’t get to know before you commit. When you commit, that is, choosing whole-heartedly and with your whole body, you get big play, big passion and big creativity.
Interested? Instead of “What if,” practice saying, “I’m willing not to know.” Or, “I’m willing to jump in and see what happens.” Moving toward your full evolution is more important than having a guarantee. You already know the only guarantees on the menu. Everything else emerges from the choices you make every day. Are you choosing openness to learning? Are you choosing to get feedback, make changes and build on new choices?
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