"I consider Gay and Kathlyn to be my teachers." -John Bradshaw
I Thought I’d Gotten Rid of That!
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I’ve spent almost forty years of being present with people in their transformation journeys. And this phrase, “but I thought I’d gotten rid of that,” topples people’s sense of progress more often than any other. People seem to experience their themes as adversaries that they conquer and bury, tada. Then when the issue re-emerges, they think they’ve failed, or that “working on themselves” has failed (that last one may actually be true).
This idea that we get rid of things doesn’t serve us, since no part of us actually ever wants to be killed off. Even the icky parts and the villainous, critical voices are woven throughout our cells. You might be thinking at this moment, well then, why bother? If my unlovability keeps popping up like a bobo doll, then what’s the use?
Well, would you be willing to consider another point of view? If so, read on. You got born into a party that started before you got there. The party theme was already selected, and you got handed the party hat(s) that were available. Being a plucky sort, you did your best to be a good guest and wore your hat as well as you could. One magic day you looked at your life and realized the hat was old and tattered or too small now. Or you just want to pick your own hat.
So what to do with the old hat? Here are some new choices. You can love it for keeping your head warm. You can appreciate the ways it served you in the party and allowed you to move to where you are. You could bring it out on special occasions and give it a new job that fits who you are now. What will you do with your old hats?
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